Gorilla Out For Season After Zebra Attack

Fruit stripe gum 5 fruit

PITTSBURG, Kan. | Pittsburg State football player Joe Windscheffel has lost his chance to play this season after an encounter with a zebra on a farm near Lawrence.

Windscheffel, a 6-foot-2, 225-pound linebacker/safety from Smith Center, recently had to move three female and a male zebra to paint a fence along a pasture line.

But the male charged him, bit his arm and would not let go. The animal was dragging Windscheffel by his arm when two of his fellow farm hands finally freed him.

Windscheffel says the attack was completely unprovoked.

Literally the FIRST thing I was ever taught was when painting the fence of a pasture line, you must lure any zebras blocking you in a calm and friendly manner.  It’s Pasture Line Fence Painting 101.

But seriously lets back it up, a FUCKING ZEBRA?

Aren’t zebras in the Serengeti and shit??  Was Joe Windscheffel painting the fence at the pasture line at the f’n Six Flags safari?  Because last time I checked you don’t just stumble upon exotic animals out in Pittsburgh.

In other news, The Pittsburgh State Kicker was swallowed by a hippopotamus and the second string quarterback was trampled by a giraffe.

Its like they’re playing a game of Jumanji

For Sure Jumanji

~ Shout out to GP for the link

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