FSN SSR

fsnssr

Another shitty Monday in the books, so let’s start of Tuesday right and kill it with a little something I like to call

FSN SSR

The third installment from Weisel’s prolific year of 1992, I bring you The Man With Power

OH FUCK YEA.  Look how powerful this dude is!  Preppy metro dudes always say “Real men wear pink.”

Well, apparently, Real Men With Power wear pink sweaters too.

The Man with Power is brave.  When there is danger he’ll be there.  He is a brave man.

Yo Weisel, is this dude brave, or not?  I can’t seem to figure it out with the REDUNDANT SHITTY OPENING.

In case you’re not satisfied with Weezy just saying brave and power over and over again, you can look to the illustrations…OH WAIT.  I can’t even figure out what the fuck the Man with Power is doing.  Looks like he’s doing something with a giant F’n lollipop while wearing a yellow triangle hat.

When evil strikes, he defeats Dr. Dodo.  Dr. Dodo is the bad guy.  He is the meanest bad guy on the face of the Earth.

Ooooook.  So, the Man with Power is a brave and powerful man with bravery and power.  Dr. Dodo is the meanest bad guy of all mean bad guys at the mean bad guy store.

I’m assuming the Man With Power is the big guy on the left here.  Which would make Dr. Dodo some sort of one armed cyclops with a giant hole in his face.

Dr. Dodo was planning to destroy Earth, but the Man with Power stopped Dr. Dodo.

Way to build the suspense there, Hemingway.  Looks more like a bunch of shit floating in water than the planet Earth, and that shitty thermometer in the corner is doing nothing for the reader.  I award you no points, Weez, and may God have mercy on this page.

Now he was trying to destroy the Eifiel Tower, but the Man with Power stopped Dr. Dodo.

I assumed on the previous page when the MwP saved the whole earth, he was all set.  But I guess Dr. Dodo decided to be a little more realistic and aim for just a single building rather than the entire fucking planet.  Speaking of – Worst. Eiffel Tower. Ever.  Although I’ll give some props on the green truck thing, which actually resembles some sort of bulldozer-type machine.

Suddenly Dr. Dodo pulled the lever and the Man with Power sunk.

OH SHIT!  Not so powerful and brave now, are you Man with Power??  There’s a reason why he wasn’t called The Man with Brains, folks.  ANYTIME you’re trying to prevent a maniacal genius from taking over the world YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD ON A SWIVEL.  You think bad guys like Dr. Dodo have levers on the wall for decoration?  FUCK NO obviously that’s a booby trap water tank.  C’mon MwP!

What happened to the Man with Power was this: There was a trap door.  The Man with Power go out!

Phew! Thank God the Man with Power go out!  You illiterate fuck.

So let me get this straight – While trying to stop Dr. Dodo, the Man with Power was easily tricked into a death trap water tank, and then his big heroic moment is simply getting himself out of the very quandary he allowed himself to fall victim to?

The good guy can’t “escape” from the bad guy…that’s just called running away and allowing the Bad Guy to carry out his plot.

$100 says the Eiffel Tower was fucking DUNZO after the Man with Power ran away from Dr. Dodo.

What a shitty hero.  Lets get to the About the Author and make some more fun of Weisel

Weisel is seven years old and is in the first grade.  His favorite subject is Math.  He enjoys baseball and football.  He wants to be a professional football when he grows up.

What would you like to be when you grow up, Weisel?

Oh, I don’t know.  A football?

You mean a football player?

Nope, just a football.

What a riveting action packed novel with another dumpy ending.  Its like your calling card, Weezy.

For Sure Man with Power

FSMwP


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