Well Jesus Christ, Nation. I’m getting emails and IMs left and right from people complaining I haven’t updated FSN today. But I’m back and I bring you a solid solid video to make up for me allowing my drinking problem to affect my work.
Top 10 Toys That Make You Gay:
10. Part Lion – Part Bumblebee? Not only is that gay it’s just impractical.
9. A little black boy, a little white girl, and a little Asian ninja saying “I love you, Michael Jackson!” in unison. Priceless. Who would have thought that would become OVERWHELMINGLY ironic about 10 years after that commercial was made.
8. Lets call a spade a spade, if you played with “My Buddy” you basically played with dolls. Thats really all it was. So gay. Now, if you were wrestling with “Wrestling Buddies,” thats a whole ‘nother story
7. A Petster? What the fuck is that? Never even heard of it. Its like a furry gay Roomba.
And lets be honest, cats are gay. They are strictly for chicks and gay dudes. If you have a “kitty kat” and you are trying to live as a straight male you need to just come out of the closet.
6. Nosy Bears. A teddy bear with a spinning nose ball? GAY.
5. Well, I guess I’m gay. Cuz Pogo Balls killed it. I had one that looked like it was the planet Saturn and the footplates were the rings. Killed it. FSN Gay.
4. Leon Neon. I mean, I don’t know what else to say. If you’re growing up playing dress up with jewelery, you were probably also that same kid who sat with his legs crossed when we were like 10. Sitting with ur legs crossed is for chicks and gay dudes who dont mind smushing their balls.
3. Underoos. Oh dear lord. IMAGINE being one of the kids in this commercial? “E.T.’s lots of fun, in my world he’s number 1!!!” FSN, Little Man. Number 1 in your world is interior decorating or Barbara Streisand.
2. Lost and Found Bears. Was there a high demand in the 90s for crying koala bears? Did market researchers say “All my reports are pointing towards koala bears that cry and look sad. Apparently this entire generation of kids is a bunch of homos”
1. Oozinator. You know what is the best part of the Oozinator (and all of these toys, for that matter) ? It’s that there were Dad’s everywhere watching the sons taking oozy shots to the face with their friends dropping to their knees and PRAYING that their sons don’t turn out to be Smush.
Thinking, “Well he’s only 10 years old, and I dont think he realizes this is the gayest toy of all time. I better go buy him some porn right now, just in case”
For Sure NOT Oozinator
~ Shout out to Choot for the link