I Would Trade Oliver Perez For Two Mexicans

June 30, 2009


And I would consider it a steal.

Considering Jeff Suppan is going for $5 and change on eBay, two new members of the grounds crew at Citi would be a heist.

For Sure Heist


U.S. General Hails Iraq Pullout

June 30, 2009


The time is right for American forces to pull out of Iraqi cities, the top US commander in Iraq said yesterday.

You’re goddam right it’s time to pullout

The LAST thing we need is a pregnant Iraq.  9 months of Iraqi mood swings and weight gain?  No thanks.

For Sure Pullout

Better Sign a Prenup

June 30, 2009


FSN Nation All Star The Garbageman sent me this picture from his buddy’s blasphemous wedding.

Now what kind of fucking groom allows this shit to go down?  Whether or not he’s a Sox fan or a Yankees fan is irrelevant – I’m pretty sure all fanbases agree hes a pussy.

I understand you can’t help who you fall in love with which chick uses sorcery to trick you into marriage.  So every now and then you’re gonna see a case of a groom getting stuck with a Rival Wife, but Jesus Christ do you have to celebrate her inadequacies?

Plus let’s call a spade a spade chicks don’t really like sports.  Man up and

A) Don’t start your marriage off by completely sacrificing your fanhood


B) You probably should get a real fucking cake that isn’t a baseball theme.

Dude probably sleeps in a racecar bed with his wife.

For Sure NOT Red Sox Yankees Cake

This Kid Is A Fucking Dolphin

June 30, 2009

I believe Dennis Green once said, “If you wanna crown him, then crown his ass.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Stevie Wonder can play video games and walk safely across the neighborhood.

But can he tell the difference between a $1 bill and $20 bill? Can he tell the difference between smokeshows or “non compliant” girls by listening to them walk?

These are the skills he will need to show me before I crown him.

FS Superficial Comment Hating on a Blind Kid


Note: I love the doctor at the 2:45 mark – “This Mom oughtta be teaching a course on…ya know…how do you raise a kid who can’t see well.”


~ Shout out to P Mac for the video

NYC Bondage Block Party – No Complaints Here

June 30, 2009


NEW YORK, June 29 (UPI) — The New York Police Department says it did not receive any complaints about a block party featuring outdoor fetish and bondage play.

The June 21 party, between 10th and 11th avenues on West 28 Street, was attended by several thousand people who sources told the New York Post each paid $10 to enter.

Videos of the event posted to YouTube depict nearly-nude men fondling each other’s genitals, a man in leather chaps having his bare butt whipped while a crowd looks on and a man with his hands bound over him and his genitals restrained.

The New York Police Department issued a parade permit for the event.

“We were aware of the event and did not get any complaints during the event,” a police spokesman said.

Now answer me this:

How do a bunch of sexually perverse S&M Fetish Freaks have a goddam block party tying up each other’s dicks and whipping each other’s asses go perfectly according to plan, but the Puerto Ricans can’t waive their flags and blow their horns without 300 people going to jail?

I suppose the answer is that the Bondage Freaks are willing participants in genital groping, where as the Puerto Rican Day Parade groping usually involves victims and assailants.  And the Bondage Crew also uses Safe Words. And Police are racist.

For Sure Safe Words and Racism

By the way, that’s gotta be some of the best action you can see for a $10 cover in NYC.

My Day Just Got Infinitely Better

June 30, 2009


This video is 200% an FSN Instant Classic.

Her “READ-AYY!?  READAYYYY!?” chant is the perfect build up to one of the most violent and unexplainable face plants I have ever seen.

I’m pretty sure I will laugh every time I see this from now until the end of time.

My question is – Is this chick dead?

I say there is a 30% chance this collapse killed her.

For Sure Drunk Chicks

Do I Seriously Still Have A Job?

June 30, 2009


It’s like I’m trying my hardest to NOT do a good job and they still keep me employed.  Unbelievable.  At this point I’m literally hiding work – stashing it in draws and various cubbies so that nobody can see it pile up on my desk.  How does that work ethic keep me employed?

See I had it all mapped out –

First, Establish a proper level of incompetence.  The last thing you wanna do is set the bar too high.  Then all the sudden you have the confidence of your superiors and they dole out more and more responsibility.

I say FSN to both of those things.  Instead, I put the bar on the groundI dig a trench and put the bar in it so that the bar is actually lower than the ground.  I go Bar-less.

Still maintain and display a delicate level of capabilty so they can’t fire you without severance, and then just wait it out.  Eventually your company will hit hard times, because virtually everyone else around you is trying to snake it just like you – this creates a terrible business model that will inevitably fail.

The key is too make sure you are just good enough to make it to the lay offs, and just bad enough that you’re first on the list to go.  Fine line my friends, fine line.

Ordinarily I’d say that getting laid off from a shitty job and snaking a little severance pay is a blessing in disguise, but F that – it’s not even incognito.  It’s right out there in the open, dressed up as an actual blessing, no disguise to see through.

Getting laid off for the summer has got to be the best thing going.