Welcome, Nation, to Episode III of a little something I like to call
A few readers out there this Memorial Day Weekend got the chance to meet G Chat Registry Hall of Famer Weisel. The Big Weez also had the pleasure of attending Valley Forge Elementary School, and went on a prolific tear of literary prowess in 1992.
This is the first of many Weisel tales to come:
Well, thank God for the title on the front, cuz I’d never be able to decipher that blue roller skate lookin thing was a fucking mouse. But, props to Weez – we’re heading to Washington for a story about mice
It started when two men turned into mice. And they lived in Washington in the Capitol.
Ok, well, not much progress made here. Still working on this Washington D.C. Mouse theme.
Until two cats came. And their names were Ah-Choo Sneezy,
Ah Choo Sneezy is a fucking beast cat. Apparently still has a human head on the body of a tiger.
and Good Looking.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This picture is worth less than the number of words on this page – 3. This picture is offensively bad. At least Ah-Choo Sneezy resembled a tiger. Good Looking, on the other hand, is some giant hairless cat with a long blue-striped tongue.
Until the cats tried to destroy the mice, until the President had to move.
Jeeeeeeesus Christ. This page is a literary abortion. The Double Until? What the shit does this sentence even mean?
I’m trying to decide what’s worse: the ridiculous wording of this sentence or the picture of the President – a giant arch for a body and legs with square arms carrying the President’s personalized luggage “U.S.P”
But, ok, despite the fact that every other word of this story is “until,” I’m on board. Two transformed mice living with the President, and two cats arrive and drive the President out.
Will the mice figure out a way to drive the cats out and allow the President to return? Let’s turn the page and see where this story goes:
Unbe-fucking-leivable. The end? Two mice move to D.C., two cats show up, the President moves – fucking RIVETING Weisel.
For God’s sake the About the Author even has a more legitmate Intro, Body and Conclusion. I did the math – there are more words in the About the Author than in the entire goddam book. You gotta be kidding me.
One time FSN.com thought The Capitol’s Mice was going to be great. Until I read the story, until it turned out to be a piece of shit.
For Sure Until the Capitol’s Mice