The Final First Round matchups here in the Betty Boop Region

#1 Ariel

FS Ariel

VS.

#16 Ursula

FSN Urusula

This started out as a goddam runaway beatdown – I mean for Christ sake Ariel even gives priests boners!

But some FANTASTIC coaching at half time had Ursula coming out of the locker room looking like Vanessa:

FS Vanessa

Another classic tale of the 16 seed giving it all they got, but only to fall short in the final 10 minutes.  Ariel withstands Ursula and Vanessa to advance

#8 Rogue

FS Rogue

VS.

#9 Jean Grey

FS Jean Grey

Jeeesus Christ.  Here’s a matchup the world has been waiting to see.  You know Wolverine and Gambit had a front row seat for this one.  Fuck that little bitch Cyclops.  Theres a reason this was an 8-9 matchup folks, its basically a toss up.  I’ll take Rogue for the sexy white streak in her hair and her Southern Drawl.  Plus Jean Grey eventually becomes Phenix and takes over the world or some shit.

#5 Belle

FSB

VS.

#12 Megara

FS MEgara

You knew it had to happen, folks.  There always has to be one.  Belle has been snake-bit by the ole’ 12-5 matchup.

FSN Nation is gonna be in an uproar, but everyone JUST STAY CALM.  Keep your composure.  Use your brain for a moment:

A) Belle is a bookworm.  Nobody likes a nerd.

B) Belle was ALL ABOUT trying to change The Beast into somebody he’s not.  Bitch leave me alone and let me drink beer and watch the game.

C) OH yea, SHE FUCKED THE BEAST.  You really want THE Beast’s Sloppy Seconds?

Chicks who F animals = FSN Smokeshow.

Meanwhile, Megara is WILDLY underrated as far as Disney SS’s.  TINY waist with a butt you can rest your beer on.  Megara the 12 knocks out Belle.

#4 Erin Esurance

FS EE

VS.

#13 Maid Marion

FSN Fox

I have a STRINGENT policy regarding SS’s – NO LONG WAGGING TAILS.  A bushy tail rabbit style is ok.  Long fluffy fox tail, FSN.  Erin Esurance movin on.

#6 Snow White

FS Snow

VS.

#11 Wilma Flintstone

FSW

Snow White is pushing 80 fucking years old.  Wilma Flintstone is pushing like TEN THOUSAND.  So its a battle of two serious cougars with a ton of staying power.

Um, last time I checked, Snow White was a SLUT.  Always rolling around with like half a dozen dudes, who were all SHRIMPS.  Smokeshows don’t have sex with multitudes of midgets.

Wilma Flintstone, on the other hand, was a one man woman who LOVED the pearl necklace.

Its an 11-6 upset folks, the wily veteran Wilma dethrones the slut Snow White.

#3 Judy Jetson

FS JUDY

VS.

#14 Rosie the Riveter

FSN ROSIE

“We Can Do It?”  No we can’t! Thanks for the offer, babe, but I have a strick rule about banging chicks that can beat me up.

Judy Jetson doesn’t even break a sweat knocking this dyke out.

#7 Cinderella

FS Cindy

VS.

#10 Jessie (Toy Story)

FS Jessige

Jessie was seeded a bit high in my opinion, but the possiblilty of a Cowboys and Indians theme romp going on in the bedroom with some ass-less chaps kinda gets me going.  I’ll show HER the Indian in MY Cupboard.  Right? Am I right??

But Cinderella is too much to handle.  Bitch will scrub the floors, and then shape up to look like THAT for the Ball?  FS.

Cindy takes it down.

#2 Lara Croft

FS Lara Croft

VS.

#15 Patti Mayonaisse

FSN Patti

Fuck Patti Mayonaisse.  I hate her with the fire of a thousand suns.  Not only does Lara Croft dominate her with sexiness, but she shoots Patti in the face with her guns afterwards.  Patti is ugly and her voice is annoying.

Why were all the kids on Doug different species anyway?  F That shot.  Lara Rolls.

That sums up First Round Matchups folks, which means 2 things:

1. We’re headed to Round 2

2. Thats the entire field of 64.  Which means if there’s someone else you were hoping to see, head over to the NIT.

For Sure FSN Cartoon Smokeshow Round 1

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