First Round Matchups continue in the Barbera Region

#1 Daphne



#16 Velma

FSN Velma

In this battle of the Scooby Doo broads, we see Daphne has pulled down a number 1 seed.  People across the Nation were clamoring that Daphne didn’t deserve a number 1 seed because she was a “cocktease” (i.e. plays in Conference USA)  Well just like Calipari’s Memphis squads, there is no way to tell how they would perform in a given situation until the circumstances arise.  Daphne being a cocktease is complete heresay and conjecture, so until you’re ever in the moment with her, who knows how she’ll perform.  I for one think that she used to F Fred so hard she’d rip his handkerchief right off.  Velma has been DREAMING of the D from Fred for years now, but can’t dethrone the sexy hippie Daphne.

(8) Princess Peach

FS Peach


(9) Clara (Drawn Together)

FS Clara

I think Clara is an SS.  But, she’s just an Ariel rip off, and she doesn’t pull it off that well.  Plus, there was an episode of Drawn Together in which her Pharaoh’s Tomb was a flesh eating monster.  So, thats not too attractive.  Princess Peach is a PAIN IN THE ASS, always getting captured by Bowser and shit.  But if Mario is willing to keep saving her high maintenance ass, she MUST be getting it done behind closed doors.  Princess Peach moves on.

#5 Brittany (Daria)

FS Daria


#12 The Nanny During Opening Credits

FS Nanny

Nothing SCREAMS I wanna get F’d by a billionarie more than the cartoon form of Fran Drescher as the Nanny.  She’s the lady in red, when everybody else is wearing tan, and she’ll clean your house and watch your kids and shit.

All that praise aside, Brittany, the sexy, slutty, dumb cheerleader from Daria?  F.S.  Sign me up for some pigtails handlebars.  The flashy girl from Flushing gets knocked out in the first round.

#4 Pochahontas

FS Poke


#13 Janine Melnitz (Ghostbusters)

FS Janine

Holy Shit!  Its like Janine Melnitz was playing lazy zone D all year and then came out with a ferocious man-to-man in the first round! (aka when I went to find her pics on Google I found out she’s kind of a smokeshow)

Janine Melnitz puts up MUCH more of a fight than anyone anticipated, almost pulling off the classic 12-5 upset.  Pochahontas and her sexy tan is just TOO MUCH though.

Plus, she knows her way around the bedroom.  Get it? Get it?  She was a tourguide, see.

#6 St. Pauli’s Girl

FS St Pauli


#11 Zipporah (Prince of Egypt)

FSN Zipporah

Lets get one thing clear, Zipporah is the ugliest fucking bitch in this tournament. She looks like fucking Jafar for God’s Sake.  How she pulled a #11 seed is beyond me.  I wouldn’t even have her in the NIT, if it were up to me.

Anyway, this is an absolute ANNIHILATION.  St. Pauli’s Girl with the performance of the tournament just CRUSHES this Jewish bitch and rolls.  Is St. Pauli’s Girl for real or is it just inferior competition…..?

#3 Princess Aurora aka Sleeping Beauty

FS Sleeping


#14 Ms. Pac Man



FS Bryce Drew

WHAT AN UPSET! Ms. Pac Man takes down Disney Classic Sleeping Beauty!!!!

Its a classic case of over confidence.  Aurora has the looks of an SS, but can she perform like one? For Sure NOT!  All she does is lay there.  You’re lucky if she stays awake.

Meanwhile, what else can you say about Ms Pac Man – She swallows.

Ms. Pac Man with the biggest upset of the tourney sends Aurora back to bed.

#7 Esmereld



#10 Kim Possible

FS Possible

I like chicks that are easy.  I also have a serious thing for Kim Possible.  Quite a conundrum – Is hooking up with her “Possible” or “Im-Possible?”  What this matchup boils down do is realism – Who am I more likely to score with, an underage chick who moonlights as a secret agent, or a chick who had the hots for a disfigured hunchback living in the belltower?

Sometimes, you gotta go with the sure thing – Esmerelda on to the second round.

#2 Lola Bunny

FS Lola


#15 Mad Madam Mim (Sword and the Stone)

FSN Madam Mim

Mad Madam Mim is not only horrendously ugly, shes TERRIFYING.  Seriously, even when she uses witchcraft to become “hot,” this is the best she can muster:


I could have pitted this bitch against Malificent and she still woulda lost.

Lola Bunny CRUISES.

On to the Betty Boop Region for the last games of Round 1


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