The Hanna Region Round 1 is complete, now on to the Minnie Mouse Region
#16 Ms. Piggy
Well, shes a half human half big infant. Let me ask you, do you think she dethroned Princess Jasmine? FSN. Jasmine cruises, although look out for Ms. Piggy when she’s all grown up. Gonna be a hog in the bedroom.
#8 Chun Li
People across FSN Nation were furious with the Committee for snubbing Sonya Blade here and not setting up and epic Chun Li Sonya Blade SS Battle. Well, the Committee looked into it, and Sonya Blade was kinda just like a human superimposed into a game, not a cartoon. Her SS RPI wasn’t high enough. Anyway, in this matchup, Chun Li takes it home. She’ll walk on your back, and she gives a great rub and tug. FSR&T.
#5 Betty Rubble
In an epic battle of Stone Age vs. Space Age, Leela gives Betty a run for her money. But, um, FSN. Can’t be a smokeshow if you only have 1 eye. Plus, Betty Rubble is a veteran of the game. Old School beats New School, Betty moves on.
#4 Linka (aka Wind, Captain Planet)
#13 Meg Griffin
FS Linka! She’s a sleeper in this tourney, often overlooked in favor of various other blondes. Good for Wheeler, aka Fire, who definitely used to plowtown Linka all day err. I’d combine my powers with her, if you know what I’m saying. Anyway, if you can’t tell yet, she defeats Meg Griffin, who is so ugly she was 16 seed worthy. The Committee bumped her up a few seeds because she is voiced by SS Mila Kunis.
#6 Luanne Platter
#11 Helen Parr
If there is one thing I’m a sucker for, its a middle aged woman who dresses up in the bedroom. If one thing I’m an even bigger sucker for, its a trailer park trash southern broad, with bombs, a mullet, and a sexy Texan accent. Luanne overcomes Mrs. Incredible and moves on.
#3 Wonder Woman
This first round matchup pits two 1980’s Super Heroines against each other. Wonder Woman takes this easily, not only is she an SS with booty shorts, shes a one hell of an American, and she brings her Golden Lasso in the bedroom and gets aggressive. Cheetara just couldn’t keep up. Shes a Butterspecies. Everything is good, but her species.
#15 Ugly Stepsister 2
Pick whichever bitch you didnt have losing in the opposite region, and she gets CRUSHED by Tinkerbell. WATCH OUT for Tink. A) She Dresses like a SLUT. I can’t believe Peter Pan let’s his side piece go out dressed in that short ass fairy dress
B) She’s a BITCH. I get the distinct feeling she will tear through clothing with her teeth to get to the D and then run the show. You need a “Safe Word” with Tink.
C) She likes to Party. What, don’t tell me you thought Fairy Dust was just something Disney made up? FSN.
Tune in later this evening for the First Round Outcomes for the Barbera Region