For Sure NOT Cartoon Smokeshow Bracket – Round 1
#1 Jessica Rabbit
#16 Olive Oyl
Jessica Rabbit’s curvy 36-25-34 body is simply too much for the skinny pale Olive Oyl. Plus, I ordinarily like my Olive Oyl extra virgin, and I KNOW Popeye’s been popping that spinach. Olive’s probably like a bowl of mashed potatoes these days.
J Rabbit on to round 2
#8 Peppermint Patty
In a CLASSIC battle of Charlie Brown Mediocrity, we have the tomboy Peppermint Patty vs. the nerd Marcy. Patty has a man voice and shes kinda butch, but if that works for Jessica Biel, then it works for PP. Patty advances.
#5 Lois Griffin
No upset special here, as the 12 falls to the 5. A) Lois Griffin is DOWN TO FUCK. FSDTF.
B) Sex with a minuscule Smurf may be impossible
#4 Daria’s Sister
#13 Violet Parr
J Christ I know guys say they like a small waist but eat a fucking cheeseburger Violet! V. Parr is too skinny, plus getting with Quinn Morgendorffer does wonders for your social status. Quinn to round 2.
#6 Alice (in Wonderland)
(11) Jane Jetson
Now listen, George Jetson does NOT fuck around. And Jane, His Wife, is off limits in my book. Part of being a smokeshow is knowing you won’t get murder by said SS’s husband, which I can’t guarantee is the case here. Plus, the whole cougar thing is overrated. Give me a young chick who likes to pop shrooms and lets get wild. Alice holds off Jane in our first serious battle.
#3 Helloooo Nurse
#14 Ugly Stepsister 1
Pick whichever one of these ugly bitches you want, cuz they both are losing in the first round and neither can hold a f’n candle to Hello Nurse. I mean for God’s sake they have Ugly in their name! Plus, sexy nurse fantasy? Check please. Game over.
#7 Rainbow Brite
#10 Jane (from Tarzan)
Our first upset of the day! Jane takes down Rainbow Brite! Sure, Rainbow Brite inspires costumes like this, but Jane was plopped down in the middle of the jungle and was like “Welp, might as well get down with this savage man-monkey.” You know shes down for whatever. FS Jane
#2 April O’neil (TMNT)
#15 Helga (Hey Arnold)
Um, under aged gap toothed bitch, or sexy Channel 6 reporter in a one piece yellow get up? FS SC6RIAOPYGU. April Moves on.
Round 1 of the Hanna Region is complete. Check in later today for the first round results of the Minnie Mouse Region