Welcome, Nation, to Episode II of a little something I like to call


The elementary school I went to, Valley Forge Elementary School, was the most badass establishment the world has seen.  FS VFE.  Accordingly, there was the Valley Forge Publishing Company, which allowed kids grades one through five to publish stories and create legitimate bound, hardcover books.  Recently I dug up a few of my old masterpieces.  These are my tales:

FS Jet Fighters

Have you EVER heard of a name this fucking badass?  FSN. FS JF vs. SB.

Something else you may  have never heard of – a WHITE sky with BLUE clouds.

And finally what have I never heard of?  Planning to make sure you can fit all the letters of the title of a book on the fucking cover.

FS Jet Fighters

Once again – disclaimer.  1993 means I was 7 or 8 years old.

FS Jet Fighters

Once there was a group of airplanes called the Jet Fighters.  There was another group called the Sky Blades.

Well.  Chapter 1 – A complete fucking waste of time.  If you couldn’t gather this information from the f’n title of the book you are probably retarded.

Only thing this page provides is some insight as to the inspiration of JF vs. SB – somebody learned how to draw airplanes…

Ok well, they aren’t that good, but:

1. They are 100 times better than the drawings from the FSN SSR Series Premiere The Boy Who Did’n’t Get Work Done

2. I remember drawing the same exact picture, but I would just put some teeth and eyes on it, and BAM – they become sharks.

FS Jet Fighters

They always tried to take over the sky.  One day the Jet Fighters had a problem in Chicago, because the Sky Blades were attacking Chicago.

One day, FSN had a problem writing his book, cuz he was a redundant idiot.

Gotta love the “POW!“‘s.  Last time I checked blowing up buildings doesn’t make a noise like POW.

FS Jet Fighters

They dropping bombs and they were destroying the city.  Then the Sky Blades had some company.

YES! Arrows! There is a zero percent chance you can get through an FSN masterpiece without arrows directing the reader.

Problem is, the arrows can’t even salvage this piece of shit page.  All I know is there is more POW’s going on.  In Chicago.

FS Jet Fighters

The Jet Fighters pulled up and started a war.  They started shooting and the Jet Fighters blew them out of the sky!

Well, whadda ya know, its the same three buildings that just got POWed the past two pages.

For Sure Blow Them Out Of the Sky!.  FSBTOOTS!

FS Jet Fighters

They Went back to their base and told their captain  that they finally bet the Sky Blades, and that the wouldn’t have anymore problems with them.

Phew.  Thank God I clarified that picture.  People might have thought it was the grocery store or the school or something.

Looks like a pretty shitty fucking “Base.”

FS Jet Fighters

FSN is seven years old and in the second grade.  His favorite subject is homeroom  FSN’s hobbies are baseball, soccer, and basketball.  He still has no idea what he would like to do when he grows up.

Favorite subject is homeroom! FS! I just LOVED taking attendance, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, and going through morning announcements.  Nothin quite like 40 minutes of generic pointless filler to stimulate FSN’s mind!

And nice to see I really displayed signs of initiative and had big dreams and aspirations.  I “had no idea” what I’d like to be.  J Christ.

Anyway, to sum things up:

This fucking book KILLED IT.  I’ve already sold the movie rights to Michael Bay.  Basically Transformers 3.  Megan Fox is playing the lead and we’ve been going over her scenes to make sure she puts the right vibe out there.  Not just anyone can show the proper emotion while Chicago is going POW!

For Sure Jet Fighters Vs The Sky Blades


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