FSN Rookie of the Year

Rookie of the Year – Kelly Carlson – Nip/Tuck – 2003

Kelly Carlson plays the role of Kimber Henry, who is the seductress porn star who just loves getting down and banging plastic surgeons and having threesomes with their wives and shit.  I mean J Christ in one episode she had the porn studios create a life-like doll of her, got one the plastic surgeons to mold the doll’s Pharoahe Tomb to feel like her’s, and after the surgeon F’d the doll she gave him a taste of the real thing.

FSSSSSSS Kimber Doll

The real point of this Rookie of the Year post, other than posting gratuitous pictures of Ms. Carlson, is to talk about how fucking ridiculous it would be to be a young kid growing up with shit like THIS on basic cable.

I mean when I was growing up there was nothing more than a handful of options.

1. Silk Stalkings

For Sure Stockings but Stalkings

This was basically like Law and Order: Tits & Ass.  The opening credits was just two minutes of soft core porn and people shooting guns.  I knew I was in store for about an hour of dry humping from chicks in lingerie.  FS.

2. La Femme Nikita

FS Femme

This was another gem on USA that was just like a slutty version of Jason Bourne.  Some SS running around killing people and shit.

3. Real Sex – HBO

FSN Real Sex

What a fucking DISASTER this show was.  Every time I turned it on I’d cross my fingers hoping it would be just some normal fucking naked chicks.  Real Sex: So Cal Strippers.  Instead, every time it was like Real Sex: Deaf, Mute, Nudist Colony Nursing Homes in Mormon Utah or Real Sex: Drag Queen Hookers from Hunts Point.

Same thing with:

4. Taxi Cab Confessions

FSNNNNNNNNN TaxiCab Confessions

Yikes. The old hag behind the wheel looked like a fat Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs and some trash bags would get in the back and talk about their Daddy Issues and ruin my night.

So, I just hope guys rocking out in puberty are grateful for shit like Nip/Tuck – A relatively normal show with naked SS’s.  (I use the term “normal” very loosely)

And now, back to you regularly scheduled programming:

For Sure Underrated
FS KC

Yo, Kelly Carlson – For SURE Wildly Underrated.

FSWU

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