Dear Prudence:
I am under treatment for depression. A week ago, my doctor doubled the dosage of my antidepressant and, because I’m not sleeping well, he prescribed Ambien. On Saturday morning, I confused the vials and took two Ambien. I told my wife what happened and that I would probably sleep all day and went to bed. At around 10 p.m., my wife commented on how productive I had been: mowing the lawn, cleaning up, grocery shopping. I remembered none of this and said so. She said her only concern was that I left for “errands” and returned two hours later with nothing in hand. I talked to my doctor Monday, and he told me Ambien can cause amnesia and that some people have reported walking, driving, and cooking in their sleep. I know now what filled the missing two hours. This afternoon, I got a call from a woman who called me “lover” and asked when I wanted to come back. She called me her f—k buddy. This is a woman I had talked to only twice before in social situations. I do not even know where she lives; maybe I phoned her for directions. I do find her attractive, but I am stunned that I did something like this. My wife is vindictive, and if I say anything to her, it will end our marriage. I do not want to continue a relationship with the other woman. What should I do?

– Scared Sleepless

Well well well well well, Scared Sleepless.  Dr. FSN helped out “Miserable” two weeks ago, so now its your turn.

So, Sleepless, as the great Kenny Powers says, I’m about to fuck you up with some truth:

Pop another couple Ambien and go Sleep Fuck this mysterious slut!

Listen, I’ve mixed up all sorts of vials of meds and sleep-banged all sorts of local chicks.  And let me tell you, the whole “I do not even know where she lives; maybe I phoned her for directions.” excuse isn’t gonna fool ANYONE.

And quit mowing the lawn and doing the dishes and shit.  Nothing SCREAMS “I have a fuck buddy during my night tremors” like doing chores unexpectedly.  Next thing you know you’ll be telling her “I Love You” which is basically signing a confession that you’re sleeping around.

Listen bottom line – You’re pulling more ass in your drug induced coma than most mutts can pull trying their hardest.

For Sure NOT Lose Sleep


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