FSN Throwback of the Day

Throwback of the Day – Rubber Cement, and other Weird Shit From Elementary School

Rubber Cement was like a mix of ether, lye, lead, and carbon monoxide in a tin can.  I’m pretty sure rubber cement is the sole cause of cancer.

And I’m also pretty sure I consumed a total of 2 gallons of that shit from like first through fourth grade.

I remember doing arts and crafts in school and there’d be dozens of bottles of normal Elmers Glue and a FAR more practical glue stick was available and I was like “Nah, let me take that goo in the tin can from the 1790’s with a paint brush attached to the top.”

2. Compasses

FSN Compasses

Ok Kids…now that you’re done using toxic adhesive from the Industrial Revolution, you need to draw circles using these razor sharp spears!

J Christ it’s a miracle I survived Elementary School.  Seriously did these things need to be THAT sharp?  What Venn Diagram is worth losing an eye over? Answer me that.

Remember those kids who would spread their fingers out and stab in between each finger as fast as they could?  Not me.  No how no way.

Those kids were the original insecure dumpsters.  You were busy stabbing your own knuckles with a lethal weapon of geometry, meanwhile bitches were UP ON MY SHIT cuz I was the Line Leader.

Did any kid in elementary school get any more ass than the Line Leader?  The Board Eraser gave him a run for his money, but the Line Leader was running the show.  Bitches flocked.

3. Bathroom Keys

For Sure BR Keys

Bathroom keys were introduced once you graduated to a Classroom that didn’t have the bathrooms CONTAINED WITHIN THE ROOM.

It was always attached to something you’d have to carry on a World’s Strongest Man Competition.

Teacher would be like “Sure, just take the bathroom key over there.” And I’d be like “What key?  All I see is a monster truck tire:”

FS Monster Truck

“Its over there, sweetie, right next to the girls bathroom key attached to the large marble cut out in the shape of the continent Africa.”

For Sure Africa Stone

People often over think things.  If you don’t want to lose something, attach it to something that weighs half a ton. Done and Done.

4. Oil Pastels

FSN Pastels

What the fuck were these things?

They were like greasy crayons mixed with dirty chalk.  I don’t know much about their use for art, but they CERTAINLY didn’t taste good.

I remember using eating these things in art class.  I’d take a bite of the red one and I’d be like “this doesn’t taste ANYTHING like Fire Engine Red.”

Now that I think about it I think I survived on crayons and rubber cement for all of third grade.

5. Water Fountains

For Sure NOT Clean

Water Fountains were down right FILTHY.

“MMMM, MMMM! Tepid bath water with a tint of copper and a twist of rust. DELICIOUS.”

Not to mention kids straight up SUCKED on the fountain piece like the water wasn’t mechanically projected and they needed to inhale the water from the pipe manually.  Same kid who had snot smeared allllllll ovvverrrrr his face no matter what the weather was.  FSN Line Leaders.

Anyway, 9 out of every 10 water fountain was an epicenter for an outbreak of cholera.  But that one.  Ohhhh that one.  Every school always had one fountain that spit freezing cold water like it was a babbling brook of pure water in the mountains.  And it was a SOLID arch that allowed you to drink without licking the stainless steel spout.

There would always be a line for that, and some Over the Top Slurp Guy would be on that shit FOREVER.  His name may or may not rhyme with Deisel:

FS OtTSG

Holy shit a Throwback and the G Chat Registry all in one post.

For Sure Elementary School

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