Throwback of the Day – 1990s Board Games and the Kick Ass Commercials Used to Advertise Them.
If I wasn’t Nerf Fencing when I was a kid, I was For Sure playing board games. And you wanna know why? Cuz I was a puppet on the string of advertiser’s tennis shoes. Sure, Connect Four killed it, especially when my psychological prowess allowed me to defeat my mental midget opponents. But if you’re gonna sit here and tell me that the “Go for it…CONNECT FOUR!” Jingle didn’t have something to do with the allure of that game, you would be lying right to my face.
The following games were 1990s CLASSICS that just had ridic commercials to go along with it:
Guess Who? was a staple for every 90s Kid. My favorite part about Guess Who? was Anne:
Um, is your person the only black person in the game and do they look exactly like Wanda Sykes? Game over.
There was NOTHING worse than watching that Shark circling towards you and you’re color wont come up. I’d be like “What the FUCCK there are only 4 colors in this game an we are using 2 6-sided die WHERE THE FUCK IS BLUE THIS IS MATHEMATICALLY IMPROBABLE NOOOOOOOOO!”
This game should actually be named “MOTHER FUCKER!” Nobody who bumped you back 10 f’n spaces never actually said Sorry!. But you can’t bet your ass the kid on the verge of winning getting knocked back was dropping MF Bombs. Only thing harder than winning Sorry! was winning “UNO.” Goddam “Draw 4’s” from the kid holding 72 cards in his hand.
Hungry Hungry Hippos
You know what the strategy for Hungry Hungry Hippos was? Don’t pick the broken hippo. Thats about it. You’re sitting there flipping the trigger as fast as you can and your hippo is taking like 1 bite for every 20 times you hit it.
and I’m pretty sure 9 out of every 10 child abuse case is from a mother driven to insanity cuz H.H.H. is the LOUDEST game of all time.
Perfection was legitimately the hardest game on the planet earth. There were dudes who could kill it on Trivial Pursuit who wouldn’t even step to Perfection. The whole POP GOES PERFECTION! effect didn’t ever really work on me cuz after 60 seconds the game would pop and I’d only have like 1 f’n piece in the slot.
Don’t Wake Daddy
I don’t think I ever played this game or even knew anyone who owned it, but GD this jingle was CATCHY.
This is another game that should be renamed “Daddy Just Got Off a Ten Hour Shift So He Could Buy You Powerwheels and If Wake Him Up He’s Divorcing Mommy and Leaving.”
And now, for the Crown Jewel Throwback of 1990s Board Games and TV Commercials
There are some days this “song” gets stuck in my head all day at work and it’s been FIFTEEN YEARS since I’ve last seen this commercial. For Sure Longevity.
Honorable Mention, only cuz its not a board game:
Well, here’s a good idea – Lets give 8-12 year olds firing kilns so they can cook gooey insects.
For Sure NOT.