I need to kill myself.

2 reasons:

1. Every single day, I go to the cafeteria at work, step up to the soda machine, go to gill up my medium cup with Coke, and clear water with no soda syrup comes out.

Every. Single. Day.

I feel like Peter from Office Space getting shocked by the door handle every time he touches it.  I look at it, and I’m like “Dude there is a 100% the Coke is broken on this machine, go to the other one.  Go RIGHT NOW instead of pushing the button, seeing its just seltzer and pouring it out.”

And then I push the button, seltzer comes out, I dump out my cup and walk over to the other one. And at that point,  I just wanna shoot everyone in the place – starting with the dumpy guy who fucks up my wrap – and go down in a blaze of glory murder/suicide.

2. Every single time I print something, the printer is out of paper.

Every. Single. Time.

The mathematics behind this occurence is ASTOUNDING.  The printer holds like 300 pieces of paper at a time.  Every time I go to print ONE sheet I get an “Out of Paper” message from the printer.  How can this be possible?

Oh, and on our network, each printer on the floor has been given a human name by the dicks in IT.  So this particular printer, Jeffrey, basically tells me “FSN”

I swear to God the Ninja on my floor is sneakily removing all the paper right before I press print each time.

Come to think of it. maybe he’s sabotaging the soda machine too.

For Sure Sabotage

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