FSN Rookie of the Year

Rookie of the Year – Natasha Henstridge – Species – 1995

The year was probably about 1997.  I was about 12 years old, and had probably just discovered the movie Species, a Sci-Fi Thriller about a sex crazed alien who wants to F as many human men as possible in order to populate the planet with killer aliens.

Now, to understand the affect this can have on a young man about to go through puberty, you need to understand the metamorphasis that has just recently occurred in the male mind.

Through the use of visual aids, I will illustrate why Species was fucking awesome.

Stage A:

For Sure Pre Pubescent

As you see through Exhibit A, at this stage in a boy’s life, his mind is completely occupied by Ninjas, Cowboys, Astronauts, Aliens and the like.  He is 200% convinced he can and will become some sort of superhero and living a glorious life of valor and power.

However, sometime between the ages of 9 and 10, every male recieves a certain vaccination:

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, Now I Got The Cootie Shot.

And everything DRAMTICALLY changes

Stage B, Post Cootie Shot:

For Sure Hot Bitches

Out of NOWHERE, Hot Bitches steals anywhere between a 50%-60% market share of the Pubescent Male Through Process.  Ninjas/Cowboys/Astronauts/Aliens take a still remain a huge part of the Thought Process, but takes a back seat

Now, how does this all relate to Natasha Henstridge and Species? Well, lets go to Exhibit C:

For Sure Venn Diagram

As you can see from the progression of Exhibits A through C, Species encapsules everything that matters to a young male ages 6 through 12.  This motion picture is the culmination of the ONLY things that had gone through the mind of males from 1st through 6th grade in the early to mid 90s.

Natasha Henstridge was this 20 year old SS named Sil just PLOWTOWNING the human race.

For Sure Species

In my mind, 42% of me wanted to play the role of Superhero Astronaut, killing Sil and saving the world. But, 58% of me had a funny feeling in my pants, and that funny feeling prevailed.

For Sure Species

** Update – JT said he’d love to see the breakdown of the Male Thought Process after age 12.  Although things are not as simple as they were back in the Juice Box Era, I believe Stage C, after age 12 would look something like this:

For Sure Life After 12

As you can see, booze is introduced to the adolescent male, which takes a huge chunk of the brain.  Sports becomes a more practical escape than “playing pretend,” and maintaining a pulse while poisoning the body with various toxins becomes a concern 3% of the time.  1% of the Thought Process is still dedicated to the desire to be a Ninja, Cowboy, Astronaut, Alien, etc.  This totals 99% of the Male Thought Process Age 12+.

1% of the time, Males Age 12+ are atrociously hungover.  During these times, the Male Brain is completely devoid of thought.


2 Responses to FSN Rookie of the Year

  1. One more thing I would like to say is that in place of trying to match all your online degree classes on days of the week that you end work (since the majority people are worn out when they return home), try to obtain most of your instructional classes on the weekends and only one or two courses for weekdays, even if it means taking some time away from your saturday and sunday. This pays off because on the saturdays and sundays, you will be a lot more rested and concentrated for school work. Thanks a bunch for the different recommendations I have learned from your website.

  2. […] PS – Shout out to the movie Species. One of the most important flicks of all time for any male who grew up in the 90s. Years ago I statistically broke down the importance of Natasha Henstridge and Species.  […]

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