Daily Mail – A married Chinese tycoon who could no longer afford to support his five mistresses during the credit crunch held a contest to decide which one to keep. But when one of the women was eliminated because of her looks, she decided to take revenge – and drove her former lover and her four competitors off a cliff.

I say this without an OUNCE of exaggeration and the utmost sincerity:

This Japanse tycoon is was the most ballin ass motherfucker on the planet.

First off, people were calling him a tycoon.  Everyone knows the pecking order goes:

3. Mogul

2. Baron

1. TYCOON.

So, right off the bat, this guy KILLS IT.

Secondly, dude had FIVE mistresses.  These aren’t your everyday floozies like Ashley “Dupree” Yomans fucking around with Elliot Spitzer.  These are Asian Concubines who’s sole purpose is to fulfill your Tycoon needs.

But just like you and me, the economic crisis put a damper on this guy’s fantasy life.  Unable to continue to pay each mistress their $500 allowance, Fan the Tycoon needed to cut costs.  Out of every sob story I’ve heard about the Credit Crunch ruining lives, this has gotta be the worst case I’ve heard yet:

Tycoon forced to eliminate 4 of his five mistresses throughout a competition evaluating each girl on their beauty, voice, and ability to drink.

1930 was bread lines and Hooverville, 2009 is Survivor: Tycoon Mistresses (mistressi?).  Sounds like another Great Depression to me.

Unfortunately, this dude made one fatal error by getting into the car with the first mistress eliminated.

Go “sightseeing near the cliffs” with the broad who you just voted off your Life of Tycoon Extravagance?

For Sure NOT.

~ Shout out to P Mac for the link

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