It’s almost Valentine’s Day, which means a few things:

1.  If your a “Single Lady,” and he “didn’t put a ring on it,” its most likely cuz you are annoying and ugly.  So sit down, eat a pint of ice cream, cry yourself to sleep and shut the fuck up.

2. If you are not single, you may want to invest in a pair of “Smittenss” pictured above.  What the fuck is the thing in the middle, you may ask?  Its a one piece mitten so you can do this:

For Sure Not Smittens

If this is the case and you are wearing one of these, you should skip the ice cream and crying yourself to sleep, and skip directly to killing yourself.  Directly to death, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

For Sure Not Smittens.

~ Shout out to Jack the Wack on this one

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