BarstoolSports – New York

August 14, 2009


The time has come, my friends, for FSN to move on to bigger and better things.  I mean for God’s Sake I got FSN Nation member T Walsh, a rising star amongst institutional salesman, discussing during a business interview for a job with a big time equity research firm out in Cleveland.  Clearly the wings of FSN have spread…

So your boy took the success of and parlayed it into a job with the best blog on the internet. is a Boston based website with the same vibe as FSN.  Matter of fact, Barstool is what got me writing FSN in the first place.  It’s the same smut, sports and ridiculous stories that you’ll see on FSN, except Bartool is literally about 3,000 times more popular.

So El Presidente, the master/leader of Barstool Sports, caught wind of FSN, liked my style, and thought I’d be a good fit to extend the Stool into New York City.  Unfortunately, this means FSN is gonna have to go on hiatus.  Starting Monday as our official launch, all my smut slangin’ efforts are gonna be directed at Barstool New York.

So, what I need is FSN Nation to become Barstool Nation.  Your support is what helped FSN blow up and what got me this job with the Stool to begin with.  So visit, and sign up with a user name so you can leave comments on both the New York site and Boston site.  Now, more than ever, I need you to submit funny pictures/videos/stories/links.  The more posts I can write and the funnier the site is, the better chance we have of blowing this up.  And the more popular the site is, the easier it will be for me to throw Barstool promotional parties all over New York City.

So, if you do the math – Sending me links and supporting the Stool = Parties and Booze.

So send your submissions to  I’ll be posting under the name KFC, and over on the Stool I’ll have a partner in crime that goes by the name KMarko.  He’s a real dick – so he fits right in.

Anyway, to sum up things over here , writing For Sure NOT has been an absolute blast.  From the FSKY Jungle, to childhood Throwbacks and every Rookie of the Year, what started out as a bullshit hobby for the enjoyment of me and about 5 friends grew into something much larger than I ever expected. Watching the FSN lingo catch on with all the readers has been fuckin awesome and I hope to keep a lot of the same styles and themes with Barstool NYC.

Huge shoutout to everyone who emailed me links and ideas – especially C Mac, the Garbageman and Patty Mac.  Huge shoutout to my boy C Han – without his help on the technology side of things I probably would have just given up.  And, even though its not even necessary at this point, huge shout out to the originators of FSN, the VFE/MBFL crew.

My very first post on FSN, I posed a simple queston and answer:

“Find a website better than this?  FOR SURE NOT.”

Welp, I was wrong.

For Sure Barstool New York –

One last time.  For old time’s sake:



Chinese Dude Jumps In River To Escape His Nagging Wife

August 14, 2009


Ananova A Chinese lorry driver jumped into a fast-flowing river because he couldn’t take his wife’s nagging anymore. Zhou and his wife were on a ferry on the Yangtze River when it all became too much for him, reports the Chongqing Evening Post.  Members of the ship’s crew saw the man suddenly run out of his cabin with his hands covering his ears, and shouting: “I can’t stand it any longer.”  They initially thought he was suffering from an ear injury and went to help him but found he was unhurt.  “While we were still puzzling over the this, his wife ran up and continued nagging him,” said one crewmate.  “The husband covered his ears again and said: ‘I need a break’ before jumping over the side into the rushing river.  We immediately found lamps to light up the water but found nobody. The possibility of survival can be zero.”  However, later that night, police found the man who had managed to swim more than a mile across across the broad river.  “I felt I was dying, but even that’s better than my wife’s nagging,” he reportedly told the police.

The FSKY River!  Poor fucking Zhou! His wife is such a terrible hag she almost literally nagged him to death.  I would have paid top dollar to witness this poor son of a bitch give up on it all and hurl himself overboard into what was supposed to be certain death.

“I felt I was dying, but even that’s better than my wife’s nagging,” What is the FUCK could this bitch have been saying that the would make one prefer the feeling of cold water rushing into you lungs?  Considering the natural progression of things, this guy must have already beat her a little bit and tried every other tactic to get her to stop.  The fact that he chose to try and murder himself as a last resort is astounding.

For Sure Kill Yourself Because Of Nagging

G Chat Registry in the Sky

August 14, 2009


I hope that somewhere in Cleveland, the Activist Rights Group PWDTOPSGTJFO30DAMOHBDD (People Who Don’t Think Other People Should Go To Jail For Only 30 Days After Murdering Other Humans By Drunk Driving) is at least putting up a little Pickett line outside the Browns facilities for Donte Stallworth.

PETA is going to have a field day with this shit.

For Sure Field Day

Here’s A Reasonable Headline

August 14, 2009


$100 says Week 8 at home against the Giants, when McNabb has a bad game Ealges fans will FS be screaming for Vick to start.

For Sure Hide Your Dogs

FSN Rookie of the Year – Tiffany Amber Thies…Fuck It. This Chick Will Always Be Kelly Kapowski

August 14, 2009

FS_ROYKelly Kapowski – Saved By The Bell – 1989


There is only one woman on the planet earth who was more influential in my life than Kelly Kapowski, and that’s my mother.  And its still a toss up at that.  Kelly Kapowski was THAT important.  She let me know I wasn’t gay.

She is the most important Smokeshow of the 90s generation.  Some will argue Pam Anderson as CJ in Baywatch.  Point well taken, valid argument there.  But nobody could relate to The Hoff and a crew of life guards running around the beach.  Every kid could relate to Bayside School: Every guy wanted to be Zack, and wanted to fuck Kelly.  And by “wanted to fuck” I mean “wanted to give Kelly one of those television/movie kisses where you open your mouth but don’t slip any tongue.”

Whether she was working at the Max:

Kelly The Max

Or in her lifeguard uniform at Malibu Sands:

CLASSIC 1990s High Cut Hips One Piece Bathing Suit

CLASSIC 1990s High Cut Hips One Piece Bathing Suit

Or in her Bayside Cheerleading Uniform:

Or in a various assortment of floral pattern dresses:

Kelly Flower 1Kelly Flower 2

Bottom line, she was a can’t miss SS.  She was Rookie of the Year in 1989, MVP in 1993, and now, in 2009, I present Kelly Kapowski with the first ever FSN SS Lifetime Achievement Award.

For being the greatest Highschool Cheerleader Babe of All Time, Kelly Kapowski always has been, and always will be the most important Smokeshow of the 1990s.

For Sure Kelly Kapowski

Ding DONG Ditch, Pun Intended

August 13, 2009


Redwood City, CA –  A man accused of ringing residents’ doorbells naked then leading deputies on a chase in a pickup truck last month pleaded not guilty in San  Mateo County Superior Court Tuesday to charges that could land him in prison for the rest of his life if convicted. Peter Steele, 38, is charged with recklessly evading a police officer and vandalism, both felonies, as well as misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure, driving under the influence, driving on a suspended license, trespassing and resisting arrest for the July 11 incident, San Mateo  County Assistant District Attorney Morley Pitt said.

Deputies tried to subdue him with an electronic control device but were unsuccessful. They then shot two “bean bags” at Steele and were finally able to take him into custody, Lunny said. He was found to have a pulse of 220 and was taken to a hospital, where staff allegedly observed him masturbating. A search of his car allegedly revealed rubber female genitalia, according to the district  attorney’s office. The incident is a  third-strike case, which means he could be sentenced to life in prison if convicted of all the charges

A 6 Foot 7 naked Sasquatch, public masturbation, rubber pussies and riot control weapons??  GODDAMN I was a Ring and Run rookie.  Peter Steele was playing Ring and Run Chess while we all were playing checkers. He’s like the Wilt Chamberlain of Ding Dong Ditch.  Completely changed the landscape of this game.  The Police amended their rules to accommodate this trailblazer and opened fire on his giant naked ass.  I don’t even wanna know how this guy goes about egging houses.

And talk about going down in a blaze of glory.  If this guy hits the slammer for life I bet you he’s not even upset.  He’s like Seinfeld, riding off into the sunset at the top of his game.

For Sure Gives New Meaning To Ding Dong Ditch


Jared From Subway Douses Quicktorino With Beer At Wrigley

August 13, 2009

For Sure Jared